I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
