he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Randomize
