a queef is a wish your heart makes.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
