You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
The uberlube is also flammable
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
