2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
