i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
