I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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