I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
