my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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