The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
