One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
