Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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