I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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