I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
