apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
