All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
