i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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