omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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