I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
