By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
