I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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