He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
