Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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