Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
