Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
