Girls should come with a carfax report
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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