he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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