its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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