jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Farmville is her only friend.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
