That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
