I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
