but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
