On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
