You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
