I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He did a backflip because drugs
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
