I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
