no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
The beer is more important than you right now.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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