Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
