I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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