Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
he laminated a picture of his dick.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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