Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
