Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
