halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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