I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
