just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
