It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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