Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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