Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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