There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
It's shark week go big or go home
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
