I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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