fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
